Nicely Done, Asshole

"We'll take our bikes," I texted Kara.  "Not planning any big ride, just a little JRA with Noah."  (Just Riding Around)

And yep, it was 5.4 miles, slow & I easy, with 174 feet of climb up to the Holy Family Shrine (the glass chapel along I-80) and 174 feet back down where I slowed for the descent, then moved to the left to pass K and Noah around the curve at the bottom of the hill.

I know this route, backwards and forwards, and so I was relaxed, easy... and inattentive.  The gravel in the center of the road wasn't deep, but it was deep enough, and the bike went right out from under me.  I crashed, stopping forward motion mostly with my face.  I thought first of Noah and jumped up quickly, "I'm fine!  I'm fine!"  and that's true:  I'm fine.  Nothing broken, nothing concussed.  A wrenched knee now immobilized for a few days, a few layers of skin off that knee and elbow, and I really chewed up my face. Nine stitches in the ER last night.

There was a lot of blood - I looked like a Walking Dead extra after a fresh meal.  So Noah was scared, and I feel badly about that.  He'll be okay, and so will I.

I made a mistake and I'm paying for it.  I'm missing out on a fun, flat century I wanted to do today, I won't be able to swim or hang out in the sun until my face heals, RAGBRAI is at risk -- at least riding all 7 days.  I scared my friend and my son.  Still, I feel like I got off easy.

Riding gravel is the kind of riding I want to do.  Gravel didn't cause the crash, complacency did.  I've ridden far more technical routes at far higher speeds; the difference was absolute and complete focus.  And probably some beginner's luck.  Let's be honest:  I'm still new at this.  So I'm giving thanks that this crash wasn't high speed, didn't involve other people, and yes, the bike is okay.  Also very grateful to K for taking me to the ER and taking Noah home, and to Jennie for picking me up.  (Sisters don't get anonymity, LOL.)

Riding gravel is the kind of riding I want to do.  It's slower, the routes are rural with all that entails -- less traffic, more wildlife, and views that make you pull over and inhale the smell of sun-warmed grass and hot dust, not exhaust and asphalt.

My friends ride gravel, and they're the friendliest, most helpful, and laid-backest riders there are.

Riding gravel is the kind of riding I do.

Well Go On, Then

Oh, HAYYY, It's been a minute. 

In my defense, I've been overwhelmed with FEELS, felt under attack, captured, confused, and then needed long, slow months to think about why I exist, why I write, what I share, and where I do all that... all that existing I mean.  And sharing. 

I've been doing a lot of reading, and not just the delightful trashy detective novels I love, but also a lot of delightful trashy advice columns I love... and, okay, some grown-up New York Times articles and self-help and poetry and essays.  Reading isn't as easy as it used to be.  I don't sleep well, I'm always tired, so I fall asleep quickly... sometimes after only a few pages.  My eyes blur almost all of the time now, except when I'm at the ophthalmologist's office, apparently.  So I just had to make more room in my life for reading, is all.  (Cue helpful others who take over chores!  Yay!) 

Incidentally, it was reading one of those advice columns, Captain Awkward, that gave me that last little push to return to the blog world.  (Thank you, Kara, for the new addiction!  I'm up to 10 of the most recent and #17 from the archives, LOL.)

Oh wait, this is blogger, not CaringBridge, so I could make that an actual link!  Hooray, links and imbedded pictures

and text formatting with color, bold, and italics!

I feel so free right now.

I haven't posted the final CB post, the 5/31 post, that if you're here now you probably read first.  So if you're wondering why I'm so chipper after you just read something that was obviously painful, it's because I wrote it on 5/31 and haven't looked at it since.  It threw me for such a loop that I completely shut down. I can tell you that I have still not processed the hurt and anger and I have some ideas that I'm not ready to share about what happens next, but for now I'm going to leave it at that.

If you got here on your own and have no idea what I'm talking about, you can visit my very NSFW CaringBridge (OH I CAN LINK IT HAHAHA).

So hey, yeah, we are going to get back to biking and camping and hopefully someday backpacking and hiking on this blog.  But it's never not going to be me, which means it'll sometimes be angry or messy or HILARIOUS (in my head which usually means AWKWARD SILENCE in yours) but anyway... .

I'm back.